The Reason I Live
by applemilkshakes
Summary: A summer changed Laura's life forever, and she knew she could never go back to the way things were. She will need to learn to love herself again before she lets anyone into her life, and Hogwarts will give her that opportunity. CD/OC
1. When It All Began

I was very, very drunk

1.

I was very, very drunk.

I'm actually surprised how clearly I remember what happened. I guess that happens when your life alters completely, right? Let's go back a bit.

"Party."

"No."

"Call all your friends from that whacked out all girls boarding school you go to. Party at Laura and Steve's."

"Like hell I will!"

Steven is my stepbrother. Okay, was my stepbrother. He's obnoxious in every way possible, and loves to party. So did I, until the party that I didn't want at all, spun my life out of control.

"Hey Elise, it's Steve. How's it-"

"Give me that!" I hissed, grabbing the phone from him. "Elise, hey. Sorry."

"Yeah, you better be! Let me talk to him, Laura!"

Elise is my best friend. Scratch that... was my best friend. And she's irrevocably in love with Steven. She doesn't care that he's a muggle, and will never, ever be able to do magic. She treats him like a God, and he uses that.

I heard the other phone click on. "Sorry babe. Laura's being a bitch today. Anyways, we're having a party here tonight."

"No we're not!" I said, trying to sound firm, but instead sounding weak.

"Yes, we are. Call up all your friends, El." Steven said, hanging up the phone he was on.

"Laura! He called me babe!" Elise squealed.

"Mhmm."

"Okay, I'm going to go owl Claire and Anita. You would think they'd have phones by now, right? Living in a muggle neighborhood. Geeze!" Elise blabbered on, hanging up the phone.

I sighed and made a mental note about what I'd need to go out and buy. As I turned towards the kitchen, I saw Steven standing by the doorway to the living room, staring at me.

"What?"

He snapped out of it quickly. "Hm? Nothing. I'll go buy beer."

I made a face. Beer tasted awful. If Claire, Anita, Elise and I were at Beauxbaton's, we could easily get hold of some quality firewhiskey, but not tonight.

I raided the house and came up with two cases of unopened beer and several bottles of cheap wine. No way was I going to let Steven and his gang of assholes anywhere near my stash. I decided I could spare a bottle of vodka and took it with me towards the kitchen.

Steven came back half an hour later with 4 cases of beer.

"The guy wouldn't let me have anymore."

"Because he knows how easily trashed you get." I muttered darkly.

"What?"

"Nothing. I found two cases and some wine."

Steven walked into the kitchen. "Oh man! This is the good stuff!" He exclaimed, praising the shitty wine. Figures.

I rolled my eyes and began making my way upstairs to find some party mixes that we had. I once recorded the Weird Sisters on a CD and played it for Steven. He said it made Britney Spears sound hardcore.

He whined for an hour until I let him choose the music for our next party, so he made a bunch of mixes.

The doorbell rang.

"Why are people here already?" I yelled.

"It's just Curtis and James." Steven called back as he opened the door.

"Yo man! Where's your sister?"

Curtis is obsessed with me. He acts towards me how Elise acts towards Steven. It's so annoying.

"Ahhaaaaa beer!"

And that's James. He thinks he's the shit just because his dad if the Vice President of some major company, and gives him two thousand dollar allowances every two weeks. I guess you can tell that I can't stand these guys, or actually any of Steven's idiot friends.

About an hour passed and people started to come, including a bunch sluts from down the street.

In total, the only "magical" people there would be my three friends and I. We couldn't risk inviting anyone else, but we trusted ourselves to pretend to be muggles and all. Anita and Claire can get a little confused at times, but Elise and I are always there to rescue.

That was the thing about us. We were always there for each other. No matter what, we stuck through it.

Funny, when I needed them, they cast me off to the side.

Claire got to my house first, and squealed at the sight of James. She has been screwing around with him for over a year and just keeps obliviating his mind when she's done.

Anita is probably the most down to earth out of all of us. But she's a follower and does anything Claire does, not including drinking, smoking and sleeping around.

I didn't even notice that Elise came. I saw her sharing a beer with Steven around 11:30.

I sat down on the couch, my mind hazy. I was so drunk. Usually I had self control, but not tonight. I looked over to my right and saw some guy petting a plant. At least I wasn't as drunk as he was.

Someone sat down beside me. And put their hand on my leg.

"Stop it, please." I slurred.

"Come on baby. Just a little."

"Mmm no..."

"Come on. I'll help you..."

I found my self being dragged slightly out of the main hall and into the kitchen.

"Yeah man! Get it on!"

Was that James?

"Shut up, James. You have any..."

"Yeah, man!"

Does he not know how to say anything else? He always has to exclaim everything.

I was muttering lame disses about people I'd randomly pass. Boy, was I drunk.

I passed Scott, a short skater kid. I passed a slut named Ashley making out with a guy who I thought looked like our teenage neighbour- who's not too bad looking, by the way. Then I passed Elise. She saw me. I saw her.

The next thing I knew, I was in a room. It had lavender walls and clutter was everywhere. Posters of good-looking male models on the left side; memos and diary entries covering the right wall; books and clothes here and there; the only thing clean about this room was the bed. It was white and crisp, and a little cream teddy was slouching against the pillow. My room.

My memory stops here.


	2. The Aftermath

2;

2.

_Life has its twists and turns. _

_And twisting and turning did mine have._

It was December and almost Christmas. I sat quietly gazing out a window of the castle.

"Laura," came a voice behind me.

"Don't talk to me," I said stiffly.

"I-I-"

"Leave, now," I gazed down to my feet.

".. I'll.. miss you," she said.

I shook my head slightly. I had a hard time believing that.

I continued gazing down, tears falling one-by-one.

--

I left. And I left everything behind. It was messy, though, and there were trails of things I dropped along the way. Did I care? Yes, truthfully I did. I mean, my school, my friends, and my family- they were all gone.

I could have stayed and put up with everything, but I was scared. I was alone and no one was there to help me. I was scared to continue living by myself; on my own, and with no one to hold my hand. Severance was inevitable.

I turned to give Beauxbatons one last look. It was beautiful, really, a sparkling palace. Memories flooded my eyes as I eyed the thousands of glimmering windows. Then a sudden thought interrupted: I won't be coming back.

I swiveled around and strode across the frosted grass, trying hard to not turn back. Walking away was the seal, the end, the goodbye.

"If only _you_ were there for me," was all I could manage to say through my light sobs.

--

"I can't believe it," came a voice from behind, "It's going to amazing."

"Are you _sure_ she said yes?" replied another.

"Of course! At least, I think so. She nodded.."

It was 3 days before the Christmas holidays and The Three Broomsticks was buzzing with excited students. I sat there, alone, taking swigs of my butterbeer.

The room was dim and orange, and I could hardly make out any faces.

"3 Firewhiskies and a Butterbeer!" yelled a lady working behind the counter.

I shook the glass mug, making swirls with my drink. It's already been a year since my departure from Beauxbatons, and only a month since Dumbledore found me, trembling and near death.

My meeting with him today exhausted me; it was way too much for me to handle in one day. I knew it was coming the day he found me, it was just a matter of when.

"_Laura, I would like you to attend Hogwarts,"_

"_I-I can't sir,"_

"_Laura, I insist, this is the best thing you could do for yourself," _

"_Sir, please.." _

I couldn't make myself face school again. I was scared. I was afraid I might make friends, that I might end up living a life like before- careless and oblivious.

"_Ravenclaw," says the hat._

"_Congratulations, my child," Dumbledore is beaming._

"_Sir, I can't, I don't want to.." I take the sorting hat off my head. _

"_Child, if the phoenix lost its powers and its colors, is it still a phoenix or just a mere bird?" Dumbledore pops a sweet in his mouth and looks at his phoenix._

"_I- I don't understand what that has to do with anything," I say._

"_Well, Laura, think about it while you attend classes here," Dumbledore smiles._

My broken life may be trying to mend again, but I won't let it. Attending Hogwarts may be an opportunity for me to regain myself, live a normal life, but I'm not going to take the chance.

Tonight, I run away, yet again.


End file.
